Rose Kamma-Sarkanny

Abilities, Not Disabilities

By InnerVoice

February 24^th, 2017

i was a closet runner

My mother died of lung cancer in 2000, and I suddenly became aware of my own health - I needed to quit eating chips, fast food and chocolate bars, fight depression, and increase my energy. I had a daughter to raise and I wanted her to see her mother as a healthy one. So I started by walking, lost 45 pounds and my passion for cooking turned into a passion for healthy cooking. I saw a runner running down on our main street and I watch her run up the hill effortlessly. She was smiling! I thought to myself 'I want to experience what she is experiencing.' I was determined to become a runner. I used telephone poles as my distance markers; no fancy equipment, no technical gear, just a pair of runners and loose clothing.

I ran around a 3km loop and finally managed to run the whole loop without stopping. I was so proud of myself. I ran behind another runner but kept my distance, I didn't want her to see my struggles or hear my feet pounding the pavement. I knew I was a closet runner, but I was too ashamed of my inability to run like the others I had seen galloping down the trails.

In 2004, I apprehensively decided to join the Radical Runners club. By Fall, I was running with the club 3 days a week and enjoying it. But it was not easy to run with the group, most of the time I was the last one, especially on the trail runs. During one run, I fell down a 20-foot embankment, quickly recovered and ran back up, hoping no one saw my fall. Luckily it was a soft landing, no bruises or injuries. It was then I realised I had to tell the club president my situation:

I have Usher syndrome, a progressive disease that robs me of my sight and hearing.

At that time, I only had about 30 degrees of peripheral field of vision (most people have 165-175 degrees) and with moderate to severe hearing loss. I needed help, especially in the trails, where roots, rocks, branches and distracting light and shadows were difficult for me to see. I REALLY did not want to tell anybody about my situation; I wanted people to see my abilities, not my disabilities.

just hang on to my arm and I will guide you

It was September 2005 when the Running Room had their Grand Opening with John Stanton in attendance. I had heard about John Stanton's journey to becoming fit and I wanted to meet him. Many people crowded around John during the event; chatting about running, the new store, their goals...I patiently waited for my turn to talk to him. It was just a few minutes before the inaugural RR run, and already the sun was starting to set. John asked me if I was ready to run and my response was "I really can't see well in the dark, I am visually impaired." John quickly said, "no problem, I can help you, just hang on to my arm and I will guide you." This was a pivotal moment in my running history -- it was then that I was 'inspired' to keep running regardless of my vision loss. At that moment I knew it was possible to continue to run, even with my deteriorating vision.

Who Would give up their golden ticket to run the boston Marathon?

In 2007 I ran my first full (solo) marathon and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Every runner's bucket list run. In 2008, I qualified for Boston again.

After a club run, we usually sit down for coffee. Five of our members qualified for Boston and decided they were going to run the Boston Marathon. It was Chris Morrison that noted that I qualified and asked if I was going. I said I wouldn't be able to do this run because of my vision loss. I think Chris was taken aback by my response; he didn't know I was visually impaired. He quickly volunteered to guide me in Boston. I had to hold back my tears, and trying not to talk like an emotional stutterer, I said: "you would do that?". It turns out, Chris was a sighted guide when he lived in the UK. This still brings tears to my eyes when I talk or write about it. I mean, how many runners do you know who would give up his own golden ticket to run the Boston Marathon? Chris is my biggest inspiration.

"My horizon is broader than my tunnel vision."

MY Athletic days will never be done

I hope my athletic days will never be done. In my case, it would be if my sighted days are done. I have tried indoor rock climbing, kayaking, triathlons, hiking, tandem cycling, yoga, and lawn bowling (I played in the Nationals 2 years running). I will always continue to explore new trails and travels. I can't think of a better way of exploring the world than on our feet, indulging our senses. I have to adapt constantly to each new change in my vision and hearing, and it excites me that I can still explore - even if I can not see.

I am not afraid of going blind anymore

The thing that has surprised me the most about my athletic career is that I am learning to express outwardly with my emotions. Some of my training runs with Chris were like therapy sessions -- I was surprised how I cried so much and felt so much better. Chris had witnessed many of my emotional layers peeled before him and it is no wonder that I fell in love with this man!

Another thing that surprised me was my creativity bubbling to the surface again. When I was much younger I used to paint in oils. Since running, I've picked up the brush again and out of all this creativity I've won a writing contest (Chatelaine magazine), been in art and photography shows, travelled across Canada and the US at speaking engagements, designed a book cover and title, and co-authored a book (Walk in My Shoes). It was fear that had stopped me from being creative. Fear is a word that is on the backburner for me. I am conquering fear, one day at a time, one goal at a time. I am not afraid of going blind anymore.

i am alive!

I have only experienced bonking once - it was my first marathon back in 2007. My inner voice seriously failed me. It was my first long-distance event and I had no idea what to expect. I relied on the people around me to push me on and when it didn't happen I went inside my head and searched for a mantra that would keep me going. Damn, I did not even prepare myself - I didn't even have a mantra. So, I emotionally fell apart, stopped running while the others trudged on by. Finally, I stopped and said to myself, I only have 10km to go, it is just another 10, and it is better than 20. It was then I came up with "I run because I can, I can because I run" and repeated this in my head for the last 10km. Over the years, when running events, I give myself a 'talk' and remind myself why I am here. I am alive!

"I discovered tomorrow. If today isn't good, there is always tomorrow."

there are no limits

Some of my friends and family didn't get me, many thought I was crazy to be out running, to try new things when I should be at home out of harm's way. I had a failed marriage and found new love, new friends and rekindled old friendships.

I've had several tragedies. Some people may think that my Usher syndrome would be a tragedy of mine, but in fact, it isn't. If it weren't for Usher syndrome, I wouldn't be doing all the stuff I have done. Instead, I use this as an opportunity to educate people that there are no limits