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Paul Stevenson

Finding My Identity

By InnerVoice

March 23^rd, 2018

sport can be selfish

As a kid I wanted to be an astronomer; I loved reading books about space exploration, the formation of stars and galaxies, and physics. Once I was in high school, however, I enrolled in an environmental science class. This subject significantly sparked my interest, and my teacher inspired me to pursue the field further in college. Fast forward four years and I graduated ASU with a B.S. in sustainability and a B.S. in economics. I landed a job at an environmental consulting firm where I found the work to be quite fulfilling, but unfortunately the particular company wasn’t a great fit for me.

While I gained an extraordinary amount of experience and knowledge, I had a hunch that I wanted to pursue something in the outdoor or sports industry where my passion and work could align more closely. After a few months of bouncing around jobs and doing some cliche soul searching, I began working for my current employer, Arizona Outback Adventures.

I work full-time as a project manager but have enough flexibility to train at a high level. I have no plans to quit my job anytime in the foreseeable future to pursue triathlon. I truly enjoy my job; the intellectual stimulation and growth it provides. While I acknowledge there’s a lot more to being true professional athlete than simply exercising full-time, I’m not sure I would feel fulfilled in that regard at this point in my life. Sport is, more often than not, very selfish, and I believe I’m more valuable by using my noggin.

Remain present

When the suffering begins and the negative thoughts begin flowing into my head, I turn to a similar internalization I experience during yoga.

Yoga and Pilates are my go-to recovery and cross-training sessions. I genuinely enjoy these classes for the mind-body connection they create. They heighten spatial awareness, and teach you to breathe and stay relaxed in tough moments - you could, in many ways, think of it as mental toughness training without actually having to do intervals or sets in the pool. The constant emphasis on breathing and the correct muscle engagement brings a laser-focus on the here and now.

Over time and with practice, I believe I’ve become moderately okay at absorbing this real-time tactile feedback from my body. What kind of rhythm am I breathing in? Is my belly-button as close to my spine as it could be? What muscles are activated? Which ones aren’t that should be? Where am I tense that I should be relaxed? Are my feet gripping the ground? Where is my gaze?

These have become the questions I ask myself when times get tough on the field. It allows me to focus on the present and stay in the moment and engaged. Rather than drifting into la-la land trying to shut out the pain and difficulty, I acknowledge its presence and remain present by constantly monitoring how my body is moving through space.

“I have chosen to surround myself with people who inspire me to be better and hold me accountable to be the best version of myself. My coach, friends, co-workers, and training partners come from all kinds of backgrounds and lead quite different lives. In this way they are quite diverse, but the common denominator is their positive influence on me.”

Finding my identity

My parents divorced when I was quite young. The environment I grew up in was fragmented with the constant back and forth between parents and numerous ‘role models’ coming in and out of my life as my parents found other relationships.

This lack of consistency and comfort kept my interactions with my parents fairly surface-level, in hindsight, and other relationships with friends and acquaintances followed suit. It’s impossible to know if the lack of consistency is simply a result of my personality, or my environment, or a bit of both, but I struggled to make meaningful connections with others throughout my youth.

It wasn’t until I was about half way through college that I feel I became comfortable and confident enough with myself to begin connecting with other people on a deeper level; before I found an identity in triathlon I was anxious and full of self-doubt. I attribute much of this change to finding an identity in the sport.

Triathlon provided an entire social base for me to have an enjoyable and valuable college experience, and over time, as I have learned to balance sport with the rest of my world, it has strengthened my relationships. The sport has shown my family and colleagues that I can be dedicated and hardworking - something any parent or boss can be proud of and respect.

be Curious

Triathlon has taught me to be introspective, curious, and adventurous in a mental and perhaps in some ways a spiritual context. The inward reflection provided by the hours of alone time has been crucial to my development as a person who can think independently and solve complex problems. It has shed light on the inner workings of my brain and psyche. By gathering a better understanding of what keeps my brain engaged, motivated, and excited, my quality of life has drastically improved. I’m better able to change my behavior and habits to achieve a particular goal or make a lifestyle change.

While I don’t necessarily like the idea that triathlon, along with most other sports at a high level, is incredibly selfish, it has provided a vehicle for this self-understanding and growth. It’s proven to myself that I’m persistent through long and difficult processes, and even stubborn at times. I’ve learned that I enjoy experimenting and trying to solve problems in more than one way. I like diving down deep into the weeds and becoming an expert. I’ve learned that my best hours are between 4:30am and 11am*.

If I had to give someone advice, it would be to be curious. Ask yourself why you don’t like or like something. How does it make you feel before and after? Can you draw any parallels to similar contexts throughout your daily life? I feel it’s this introspection that leads to living your happiest life - whatever that looks like for you.

*No coffee required ;)

Sense of belonging

Growing up I had some introduction to sports including soccer and tennis, but by the time I was in middle school my primary focus became band. I played percussion all through high school and was involved in everything from drum set in jazz band and school plays to the drumline in marching band. Upon graduating from high school in Georgia and deciding to move west to attend Arizona State University, I wanted to take advantage of this opportunity for a fresh start. I knew absolutely no one in Arizona, and could be anyone I wanted to be.

The summer before I moved to Phoenix I picked up a mountain bike from a local shop. There were some trails near our house in the northern suburbs of Atlanta which I had been to once, and was something that interested me. Watching YouTube videos of downhill and freeride athletes inspired me to get outside and (miserably attempt to) learn to flow like they could.

I spent the next couple of months exploring that trail system on my own with zero idea of what I was doing. Regular athletic shorts, flat pedals, no clue how to change a flat let alone the supplies to do so, but none of that mattered. I loved leaving our house with no idea when I’d be back or where I was going. The freedom that two wheels provided is where my love for the outdoors began, and was my first introduction into the endurance world.

When August rolled around, and it was time to move to Arizona, I was eager to leave the awkward band nerd behind and redefine who I was. Soon I’d be an athletic mountain biker the old me could only dream about. ASU being such a big university, I figured there had to be a mountain biking group or club.

Within the first few weeks of school I discovered the ASU cycling and triathlon team, and joined as a self-proclaimed mountain biker (still absolutely no idea what I was doing). The two sports were combined into one club as they were quite small groups compared to other club sports, but this allowed me to quickly make friends and provided a small social circle for me to be a part of.

One of the guys from the triathlon side, Ryan, reached out to me asking if I was interested in triathlon, and invited me to go for a run. After doing a quick Google search to figure out what triathlon was, I accepted with no concept of the doors that would eventually open and lead me to my current path.

Ryan, who would eventually become one of my best friends and training partners in college, was so accepting and open to teaching me everything he knew about the sport. He and other veterans on the team taught me everything: how to swim, where to ride, what a Fred was, how to structure some resemblance of a training plan… they invested their time and energy to teach me good habits and provided the launching pad that has led to my (relative) success today.

The community and sense of belonging that the team fostered gave me an outlet to discover my best self and create a new identity – a triathlete.

“The past doesn’t matter whether it was last year, week, yesterday, or 5 minutes ago. I keep my focus on what I can do right now to be better in the present and future. I check my ego at the door, be kind to others, and put one foot in front of the other.”

mental focus

From a skill and knowledge perspective, absolutely everything. One epiphany I had within the first few weeks of starting to run was how mentally easy it was compared to playing music in any type of ensemble. It’s probably not often people say that endurance sports are mentally easy, but it seemed so simple when I first began.

I vividly remember going out for my first interval run. It was on Tempe Town Lake near ASU’s campus. I knew it was physically going to be challenging, but once I began my first interval I realized how much mental focus I already had from the music world.

Playing in a band or orchestra or with any other musician requires spectacular attention to tempo, volume, playing together, articulation... Here I was running along this dirt path, and all I had to think about was physically trying. Move my feet a little faster, lean a little forward, look up the road… that’s it? It seemed too easy. No notes, keys, or tempo changes to worry about; I just had to get out the door and simply try. It was this simplicity that was unexpected, and quickly became an outlet to release stress and have quality alone time to be with my thoughts.

part of the community

My first few races will be small and local to get the cobwebs out as well as a few local criterium races. I absolutely love racing locally as a part of the communities that shaped me. Tri for a Cure and Cactus Man are great races for anyone’s first triathlon experience, and if you’re out there don’t be afraid to say hi!

My professional debut will be Texas 70.3. Other bigger races on the calendar include Wildflower long course, possibly Mont Tremblant 70.3, Santa Cruz 70.3, and Los Cabos 70.3.

Discover happiness

For me, inspiration is tied to personal, and on some level, emotional connection. I couldn’t care less about other athletes, artists, celebrities, or successful business people. While I certainly have respect for these people who may be extremely good at what they do, they are not who inspire me.

I draw inspiration and motivation from those who are closer to me: my dad, coach, the CEO of Arizona Outback Adventures (my work), and my friends.

These people have all taken seemingly small opportunities or ideas at the time they were presented or derived, and have turned them into livelihoods filled with happiness and success. This work ethic and focus combined with the close narrative I form from being around or in communication with them every day creates motivation for me to achieve my own goals and discover what happiness looks like for me.

Footnotes

Words by Paul Stevenson, Photos by Matt Clark (Still and Rae Photo) and courtesy of Paul Stevenson, Editor Cody Royle, Published by Travis McKenzie, Copyright NTSQ Sports Group.

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FootNotes

Words by Paul Stevenson, Photos by Matt Clark (Still and Rae Photo) and courtesy of Paul Stevenson, Editor Cody Royle, Published by Travis McKenzie, Copyright NTSQ Sports Group.

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