My Last Bad Day was July 11th, 2001. During a training ride, I was hit head-on by an SUV going around 40 miles per hour. I remember the sound of me hitting his front grill, then being smashed into his windshield, the screech of his brakes, and then the thud I made as I got tossed to the asphalt below.
I was unconscious for several minutes until the EMTs arrived. I knew my situation was grim as I lay motionless and in the worst pain of my life.
It was so bad that even the thought of moving hurt.
But I still had a little humor in me. I like to use it to lighten tense situations, and this one was an 11 out of a 10 on the tense scale. So, I asked the EMTs, “How’s my bike?” It’s a question that only another cyclist can appreciate.
As I waited for the trauma helicopter to arrive, I remember willing myself not to fall asleep. It was my mantra, “stay awake Michael, don’t fall asleep.” I thought if I fell asleep, I may never wake up again. When I heard the whirl of the helicopter’s blades, I remember promising myself that if I lived, life would be different. I would stop chasing happiness and just be.
Before my accident, I chased happiness like a hamster on a wheel. I was a human doer, but not a human being. I thought that once I got that new car, the next victory, or a promotion, I would be happy. And they did make me happy for a bit, but soon my happiness vanished like a vapor finish line and left behind only hope. The hope made me think that if I just kept chasing, I would catch happiness for good. When I came out of ICU swollen and in traction, life was different but not in the way that I wanted. I was angry, worried, and scared. The doctors told me I would have a lifetime of limitations and dependencies. When the hospital got dark and lonely, I would often cry myself to sleep asking myself, “Why me? Why did this happen to me?”
As my recovery continued, I finally had my shift and started to ask myself a different question, ‘Why not me?’ I then knew that I had to change my perspective so I could focus on being the best version of myself.