One thing I’ve learned from Jesse is that there are certain times where you need to do things for yourself and be selfish. It may sound counterintuitive, but finding time for yourself improves all areas of your life, so everyone benefits. Taking "me time" allows you not to resent time with others, and advances forward all of your relationships and responsibilities. I believe I have a very healthy work-life balance right now, and work certainly is taking precedence over a lot of other things. But you should always have your non-negotiables. For me, my non-negotiable is that every day I need to spend time with my kids, and play. Sure, there are times where travel comes up, or they have after-school activities, or I’m at a business dinner and I don’t get to see them, but I make damn sure the next day I’m in the backyard playing soccer or football or basketball with them. And that might mean working later, or not relaxing with a glass of wine at night, but it’s about trying to find balance and honoring my non-negotiables.
Sometimes in life, you’re going to have times where the pendulum is going to swing really far one way. In training for the Leadville 100, there were a lot of things that got out of balance because I didn’t want to miss time with my kids and I wasn’t going to let my work suffer either. That meant I didn’t get to spend as much time with my wife as I would have liked, or when I was with her, I was tired because I’d run 80 miles that week. After that ended, it was important to recognize her and tell her that I wanted to spend more time with her. And now, the pendulum has shifted the other way. There are certain times where everything’s aligned and humming, but for the most part, I think I’m always trying to tinker with how I can do little bits of everything to keep balance. For those who’ve nailed it and have balance, I aspire to be like them because I tend to do what a lot of people do: optimize for one or two things at a time, and then try to course-correct later on.
I think it all comes down to communication. You have to be able to say “I love you more than ever, and I need a little bit of support right now because I’m feeling really stretched. I’m going to get this goal, and as a result, it’s going to improve all aspects of our lives.” Then, once you achieve that goal, the pendulum swings the other way, and you support the other person the way they’ve supported you. It doesn’t make the problems go away, but the problems don’t get bigger or spiral out of control. It also puts you in a very healthy place to be able to acknowledge that you’re being selfish, but you believe what you’re doing will benefit your family. But, let’s call a spade a spade: you’re doing something for yourself.
The key is acknowledging that.