I knew what it was like to be a brand new runner and getting to the start line is hard work…
Eventually, it was a small group of like-minded endurance runners who got me into ultramarathons. They invited me out on a run when I was coming back from injury and what I anticipated being a 3-hour trail run ended up being 5.5 hours. I ended up going out on long runs with one of the guys in that group, and I was hooked.
I’m constantly surprised by what my body is capable of and what it allows me to do. Inside, I still think of myself as the skinny-fat Asian girl who smokes and isn’t athletic…at all. But yet, I’ve crested many mountain peaks and I’ve run as far as 100k.
The main driver behind my running has always been to see areas that I haven’t seen before. There are so many great things about being in a race that have nothing to do with performance. It’s an opportunity to chase goals, get away with friends, meet new friends, and be a part of the trail running community.
I have always told people that my inner voice says to me, “No one’s going to run that race for you, so you better get out there.”
I use this mantra in most everything. It’s less about a race and more about taking responsibility for my own path. I choose to do something and be proactive.
1) I gain perspective. I think about everything in my world at the time and try to see what’s really happening and how big it really is.
2) I do a reset. I give myself permission to have a break, a pity party, or whatever else I need to wallow in, but I limit it because I know I’ll be annoyed at myself.
3) I focus on the good in my life because there is just so much good. They’re not epic or grandiose, but they are things that truly make me happy.
4) I talk to Tav, my boyfriend, my life partner, whatever you want to call him. I talk to him because he’s the best support system I have and we’re able to have really honest conversations.
I draw inspiration from a lot of different areas of my life, but Tav is probably the biggest. Not only is he an amazing person in my life but he’s an athlete that understands me. I admire his pragmatic courage: he signed up for his first Ironman without knowing how to swim. Now, he actually enjoys swimming. We also laugh together every damn day.
I had my toughest race back in August of 2015. My mind went everywhere and nowhere. I went into basic survival mode and needed to draw on some key external things that I knew would help distract and hopefully uplift me. Humour is the one thing that I always try to keep at the forefront, but in this race is was tough. I kept having a very simple debate in my head: Is this the thing that is going to keep me from finishing? Is it safe to continue? And then my mind justifies the distance until I would see the people I call home again. 5 miles? I can do 5 miles. I can walk 5 miles! They’ll be waiting a long time, but I can probably do it.
At the same time, I do struggle with the external expectations on me. I’m not competitive but I’ve also never DNF’d a race. I know that my community would understand if I DNF’d and not think any less of me, but there is a sense of fear of disappointment that is tough to shake. It usually comes down to whether or not whatever I’m facing is going to be the thing that will keep me from finishing. I suppose that’s partly my ego too.
“The disparity between how I remember myself at 20 and who I am now at 40 is vast and nearly unrecognizable.”
Running has essentially filtered my life to only contain the best of the best. I have a partner who understands and not only supports, but encourages me. I have friends who run who are the best adventure and training partners. I also have friends who don’t run and don’t necessarily understand why I do, but don’t need to. I have some colleagues who may not completely understand but we find common ground in being active, to the point where we’ll form a little run group at work.
I didn’t realize how much I would love being outdoors and finding mountain peaks to bag. The disparity between how I remember myself at 20 and who I am now at 40 is vast and nearly unrecognizable. Running is an avenue for me to explore new trails, crest mountain peaks, and share experiences.
© 2026 InnerVoice
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