Lauren Phillips

Run, Mom, Run!

By InnerVoice

February 9^th, 2018

Marathon Monday

My biggest personal tragedy was the Boston bombings. I was about 200m from the second bomb; I ran the marathon that day.

Marathon Monday has always been one of my most favorite days of the year. It was one of the most beautiful sunny days, and the city was alive. My marathon felt euphoric, I never hit ‘the wall’ and felt like I floated down to the finish line on Boylston Street. I finished, hugged my aunt and cousins, and went to our hotel to change and grab some banana bread. Usually, I walk back down Boylston to meet friends, but I decided to take the street running parallel. I called my girlfriend Jenn and was chatting with her, telling her all about the race.

Suddenly, I hear it, like a loud cannon. All I saw was smoke, and then police officers running everywhere. A policeman grabbed my shoulders, spun me around and said “get out, run...!” I had no idea what had just happened. I started running in the other direction and tried to call my family but the cell service had been shut down. Luckily, I ran right into two guys I went to college with and we all started running together. We were confused and scared and trying to call anyone. Not being able to know my parents were okay was terrifying. Fear had never felt so real.

Once cell service returned we got word of the bombings, but we didn’t know many details. We ran into a friend’s boyfriend - he couldn’t find his girlfriend and didn’t know if she was okay. He was planning on proposing to her at the finish line.

I finally got a hold of my parents, and we planned to meet in the hotel lobby. The second we saw each other we all cried, and for me the crying did not end for a good few hours. The lobby of the hotel looked like a movie set; a crime scene and a funeral all at once. The TVs had the news on telling people to evacuate the city - get out - and that they suspected more bombs were planted but didn’t know where. Outside, people were on stretchers and there were sirens everywhere, but we didn’t want to leave. My sister’s husband was still out on the course. We didn’t know where he was or if he was okay. My most vivid memory from the day is sitting on the floor watching my sister balling, my parents hugging her as the chaos unfurled around us.

I was thinking “I am ok. If I die, I am ok, I am with my family and life has been good.” We eventually found my sister’s husband and got out of the city before it went on lockdown.

That day took many things from me but it also connected me closer to being an American, a runner, a Bostonian. As cliche as it sounds; it gave me a deeper appreciation for life, the ability to walk out the door; run out the door. I only take with me the terrible images and thoughts while others’ lives were permanently altered. I feel so lucky for the 2 years I ran Boston before the bombings, because since then, it has never felt the same.

I am a runner

I wanted to be Mia Hamm. I wanted to play on the US Women’s Soccer team. Soccer was my life growing up and Mia was everyone’s role model. I remember watching the women’s team beat China to win the Olympics in ’99 - arguably one of the most influential victories for them, and for women in sport. I was with my entire travel team at a pool party. Seeing Brandi Chastain rip her shirt off and slide across the field after the winning PK still gives me goosebumps.

Soccer was a huge piece of my identity, and it began at age 8 with Saturday morning soccer. My dad was the coach. Soccer quickly became my passion and where I found success, it grew into competitive travel teams, varsity high school sports, traveling every weekend to different tournaments, playing in college and then for a high level co-ed team when I worked at Reebok. I identified as a soccer player.

Once that was over it was tough to reclaim my fitness personality. It took me until last year - 15 years after running my first race - to finally give into identifying myself as a ‘runner’. Every time I didn’t compete well in a race or someone beat me, I would tell myself “You aren’t a runner, you are a soccer player, it’s okay.” I eventually realized that I needed to drop that association and just let running be...a part of me. Not what defined me, but just a piece that I could pick up, drop, celebrate and walk away from and run happily back into.

“I took carb loading very literally. Before my first Boston Marathon I ate an entire large pizza by myself. I thought: the more carbs the better? Well, for a 5’4” female that intake definitely exceeded the need.”

you Are a MoM

I looked at the journey of labor almost like a race; I knew I would cross the finish line but the journey to the line was unknown - the length, the pain, and everything between the first contraction and the baby arriving. I wasn’t scared for labor, I was excited about this unknown journey that was constantly talked about. I knew at the end was the gift of meeting our daughter, which is the deepest, most intense joy that words truly cannot describe.

Now, I can use that journey when things get tough during a race. I say to myself ‘DROP THE Hammer...You are a MOM...You are strong’...and usually some other swear words thrown in there. Ever since having Adelina I have found another gear. It is the next level of mental strength that I had not been able to tap into before. I think it’s part wanting to set a good example for her and tell her these stories, and part knowing that I have been through childbirth and nothing ever, ever, ever, will compare to that pain and mental strength.

In the past, I think my ego may have driven some decisions, but I am now really clear on my why. My husband and I talk a lot about being clear on the why when making decisions. Especially early on, when Adelina was so dependent on me, I wanted every minute away from her to have purpose and be worth it. I want to make her proud. I want to show her balance and I want her to always feel that family is first, no matter what.

Family First

Everyone in my life understands sport and its importance in my life. My mother is not athletic but she is my biggest supporter and fan. Emily, my best friend of over 20 years; we met because of soccer. We were from different towns and never would have crossed paths had it not been for our travel soccer team. My husband: I met him because of triathlon and we have explored around the world through runs together. He is the best person in the world for me to be around when I am training or racing, and I am not sure I can say the same about myself for him. He believes in me and never makes me feel any goal is out of reach. He supports my goals and knows when I need a pick up or a calm down, or just a hug. Goals are something we talk about a lot and he has always made me think bigger or faster than I would have ever imagined.

Sport has deeply connected me with my dad. Every weekend until age 18 he was with me, coaching or travelling with me while my Mom was at the pool with my sister. We continually reminisce about those weekends, the car rides, etc. Now, running is my connection with my dad. He was the reason I ran my first race, and honestly, is part of the reason I still run and compete. I want to make him proud.

The people I have around me are chosen because they make me want to be better, not just in running but life. I talk through all my runs, even hard effort runs. I spend a lot of time with my running partners and I love the runs when I walk away happy, inspired or just with more clarity.

“Playing sports and being around other confident women gave me a strong sense of self. I’ve never tried to be anyone else and have always prided myself on owning my uniqueness, especially as I get older. I try to always bring that to either the women I am working with; my younger cousins and hopefully my daughter once she is older.”

i took my time Coming back

One of my biggest achievements was running the CIM marathon in 3:06. It was the shortest marathon build I have ever done (7 weeks) and the least amount of sleep I have ever trained on - 7 months after giving birth. I was (and still am) nursing, so balancing that while marathon training meant that Travis and I had to get creative. It also meant most of my training runs had to be done alone. Nursing and Adelina needed to come first and I wanted to make sure I didn’t affect my health, weight and milk supply by my increased fitness.

It is really tempting to want to rush back into running, lose the weight fast and get back to the hard sweaty workouts. It sounds crazy but I craved those early sweaty workouts. I missed leaving the track gutted, but I knew this was not the way to win the long game, or to be a healthy and strong mom. I took my time coming back. I focused intensely on breath work, inner core and pelvic floor. I did my first run 7 weeks after giving birth and only after full clearance from a pelvic floor specialist. I took my time and had a slow build up, and I am so proud of the patience I had and ability to think long-term not short game. It’s an amazing time to be a woman, and a new mom, especially with all the unbelievable female athletes embracing the balance of both athlete and motherhood.

“I tend to be a bit black or white. I don’t do well with grey, grey situations or outcomes or even really people for that matter. You either got the job done or you didn’t. Either way, you move on and keep going forward.”

you, can have it all!

I have lived in 4 different cities across North America and each city I ventured alone. I am very proud of that but with that came re-establishing myself and finding new friends, which after college is not the easiest. Running was my connection and ‘in’ to each community, running gave me a social outlet, friends and community.

My parents never really supported my moves, they believed that work was a means to an end and that your passion and your career did not need to go hand-in-hand. I did not agree. It took every ounce of strength in me to go against what my parents thought was best and leave what was lovely and comfortable in Maine.

With that said, my true tribe are the women back home in Maine. They have seen me go through it all and still stayed true and loyal. They are my idols, not only in sport but in life. The women I run with in Maine are all 10+ years my senior and have helped guide me through many of life’s amazing peaks and valleys. They are fierce, strong, soft, athletic, smart and successful moms. They have shown me that you can “have it all” on your terms. For me, ‘all’ means a happy thriving family, growth and passion in my career, continued health and personal growth. I may not always be breaking PRs or my most fit self, but that’s what can ebb and flow, the others are non-negotiable.