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Laura Brown

Olympic Dreams

By InnerVoice

March 30^th, 2018

OLYMPIC DREAMS

I grew up in Alberta, and dreamt of becoming an Olympic gymnast. I had been doing gymnastics since I was a toddler and by the time I was a teenager, I started to experience back pain (which I tried to push through for a number of years). As a gymnast, by the time you are in your early teens you know if you will go to the Olympics or not. It is an age-defined cutthroat sport. I lived and breathed this women-dominated sport: my walls were littered with photographs of gymnasts, every 4 years I was glued to the TV, recording the summer Olympics coverage on VHS. I trained upwards of 20 hours per week as a young girl, my training group and I would spend weekends together and have sleepovers as often as we could together. The bonds I formed with my teammates were that of a sisterhood. They were the only reason I kept going back every day whilst dealing with injury.

I remember my mom driving me to the velodrome in early 2000 and thinking, “what on earth is a velodrome?” I had never heard of such a thing. We didn’t ride bikes as a family, I didn’t watch cycling on TV or even know that it was a real sport. So when my mom decided that cycling was my new sport of choice I was so confused. I was so nervous trying out a new sport that I brought my gymnastics friends with me as support. I loved it. The feeling of a fixed gear bike, the speed, and I was still in lycra! It was called the “Fast and the Curious” camp and I went on and signed up for the junior program. 18 years later….

perspective

Being an Olympic athlete is a platform to inspire and give back. What a waste it is to spend your time (and sometimes your life) pursuing a goal and not giving back, or using the limelight to do good in this world. Elite athletes are self-centred, and I don’t mean that in a negative way. But that doesn’t mean there can’t be another focus and passion outside of pursuing success in your sport. We can get stuck in the bubble, but when you step outside and head into the community, you start to appreciate how much people really look up to athletes. Kids idolize us, but when you humanize Olympic athletes and show up as your ordinary self, it can inspire them that it is not so elusive.

It allows those kids to think “hey, maybe I can do that too?!”

And that same community has helped me, too. Post-Olympics depression is real; you go, and you come back, and life just goes on. You just have this idea of what the Olympics is supposed to be; you build it up as your goal, but maybe you didn’t achieve what you wanted when you were there. But in reality it’s just another bike race. It feels like such a rare opportunity, but there is a bike race tomorrow, and a bike race the day after that. Life goes on.

It’s tough having a goal for that long and then reaching it. I think the ebbs and flows afterwards are only natural, and it’s okay to feel down and okay to be in little slumps, as long as you can dig out of them or lean on people to get support. But life does goes on. I’ve learned that you need to be proactive in addressing it. Take a quick holiday, and then immerse yourself in your community. The love and support you get can help keep you afloat. Doing this also helps you gain some perspective on life and sport.

New lease on cycling

Lately, I have lost a few friends, and the cycling community has lost a few more. I’ve been riding a long time and the last year has been the first time I’ve been scared to ride my bike. I became afraid of cars, I would watch my back, sometimes I was paralyzed with fear and had to stop riding. I would be in constant fear when my loved ones went riding, and I was grateful when they would return home safe. The death of a friend I rode with when I was younger hit me really hard. I was already not feeling like myself, but after his death, I felt a growing disenchantment with our sport and started to really question if it was worth it.

So, I started to ride my road bike off-road. And then I got a gravel bike. I found it peaceful to be ripping around on the trails on a road-esque bike, in the forest and mountains, with no cars - it gave me a new lease on cycling. I started to feel the magic again and it sparked my love to continue to ride. I hope to get involved with some cycling advocacy to make cycling safer for everyone.

“I remember having a goal-setting conversation with my cycling coach a long time ago and on my goal sheet was the 2008 Olympic Games. I had always wanted to go to the Olympics, although it felt elusive. It was awkward to actually articulate my goal and write it down for the first time.”

I love those girls

My track endurance girls are my tribe. They are the reason I get on my bike some days; they are my teammates and my best friends. They inspire me to be the best version of myself, on and off the bike. They are my muse. We had something special going into the Rio Olympics. It is rare to find such a sisterhood like we did, and when you do find people like that, I recommend you hang onto them. We spent months-on-end together, challenged each other, lifted each other up, often learned things the hard way, and gained quite a few laugh lines along the way. I love those girls so much.

My rock is my best friend and partner, Tim. He has been there since the beginning and has seen it all. He’s carried me through some of the lowest parts of my career while celebrating the highest of highs. I am so lucky I found someone to support me the way he does. And I don’t know, but I reckon dating a full-time athlete is not easy.

My biggest regret from my career was that I didn’t take more time off. With the full track and road schedule, it was year-round travel, training and competing. It is easy to say this in hindsight, but as athletes we always want to push. It is very challenging to make time to be at home, or go visit family and friends when you don’t have an off-season - you have one week here and there. Let’s just say I made the most of my time off, and Tim and I got really good at staycations and camper van mini-getaways. I do wish I had made a greater effort to be with family and friends.

attitudes are contagious

I’d rather not be defined by my results, but remembered as someone who was gracious whether I was winning or losing. I wish to be remembered as kind and present - someone who gave back no matter what. I try to be a good role model for the next generation, and that is how I want to be remembered as an athlete and as a person. Cliche or not, I really believe in being the change; actions and attitudes are contagious. And to leave it better than you found it.

As an athlete, it is never too soon to do this and over the past few years I’ve been trying to jumpstart this process. We ought to pay it forward, and people relate to you more when you are relevant. If you wait until you are retired, the impact you can have may be different. When I was young, when current national team and pro bike racers showed up to practice, it was the coolest thing ever. Now, I coach, give talks, mentor, loiter around practices and races as much as possible - sometimes just showing up is enough impetus for a kid to come over to talk to you or ask a question. We are never too busy to make time to spend in the community, especially to inspire kids on bikes.

“The funniest piece of advice someone gave me is that there’s no crying in bike racing. Uh, yeah there is! No-one has to see it, but it happens.”

the ability to suffer

A teammate and mentor convinced me to stay in bike racing when I was in U23. In my mind, I had already quit. I can remember our conversation like it was yesterday; it was so poignant. We lose a lot of women in cycling within this age bracket, and I hope I can mentor and inspire young women on how to make the jump from junior to senior, and let them know that it will be okay, you just need to keep on keeping on. I am involved in a couple of mentorship projects now to facilitate this.

Someone who has had a tremendous impact on my career was my coach, the late Jeremy Storie. His ethos still resonates with me. He was so invested and passionate about cycling, and he always stood up and fought for what he believed in. He instilled grit in his athletes, taught me the ability to suffer and to be tough, the value of being a team player, and the tougher the race the better....he loved anything ‘character building.’ And you show up no matter what - wind, rain, snow - You train and race. Conditions were a non-issue. And you never ever ever ever give up or DNF a race. One of his sayings that stuck with me was ‘Champions are not measured by their results alone, but rather what they overcame to get those results.’ I think about him everyday.

TEam Player

My inner voice has evolved as I started when I was 14, and now I’m 31. When I was younger, I had blinders on and it didn’t matter what was around me. I was so driven towards my goals that I never felt like I was making sacrifices, I was just making choices. My thoughts were self-centred; wanting to get noticed, or getting a result, or even training to get a PB. And then there’s a shift where you realize that you’re just riding a bike, and your community is so important. You get out of your head a little bit, and I think you’re happier when you’re out of your own head and you bring other people into that space.

Once I shifted to team-driven, I became really process-oriented. It was about enjoying the ride more, rather than being obsessed with getting a result. More recently, it was about really buying into the team (road or track) and having that motivate me and carry me through.

Doing my job and being a good teammate motivated me.

there's always another bike race

One piece of advice that I try to pass on to the up-and-comers is to not underestimate the basics. Cycling is becoming so popular, which is fantastic! But I am finding folks are skipping so many steps along the way. With power meters, Zwift, Strava and Synchro Shift, it is easy to get swept away with the frills and gimmicks. But when it comes down to it, we are riding a bike, and you have to love simply turning those pedals. With athletes I coach, I like to break down the sport - it is not always about smashing intervals as hard as you can, but working on the small stuff, the subtleties that make good cyclists into great cyclists. I see value in taking time to teach and explore these things, which can be physical as well as mental. I think it is important to not glaze over the fundamentals. There is time for it: it is part of the process.

I find myself saying to athletes I work with “there’s always another bike race”. It’s about keeping perspective and having fun, because you lose 9 out of 10 times. If you write yourself off every time you lose, there’s not a lot of longevity in this sport. You can feel crummy, but always take something away from that experience. Because there’s always another bike race.

Footnotes

Words by Laura Brown, Photos by Matt Clark (Stirl and Rae Photo), Rob Jones (Cycling Canada), Editor Cody Royle, Published by Travis McKenzie, Copyright NTSQ Sports Group

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FootNotes

Words by Laura Brown, Photos by Matt Clark (Stirl and Rae Photo), Rob Jones (Cycling Canada), Editor Cody Royle, Published by Travis McKenzie, Copyright NTSQ Sports Group

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