Kellie Emmerson

Run, Walk or Crawl

By InnerVoice

January 20^th, 2017

there was Never any thought of quitting

The 2016 World Trail Running Championships were held in Peneda-Geres National Park in northern Portugal.

I trained so hard for this race. I got a coach for the first time ever. Being such a busy person I never thought I had time to respect a program, so always just did my own thing. But this was my second World Champs and I wanted to give it a good crack. Within the first month or two of coaching, I had a new 5km PB and a new half-marathon PB. I won numerous races with new course records.

I was named the captain of the female Australian team for World’s, and I was really excited at my own potential. The week before the race we recce’d a lot of the course. It was highly technical — something that concerned me slightly — but it was also an aspect of trail running that I had really improved over the last few years. My coach praised my running style but did make the comment that he hadn’t seen me ‘let loose’ on the technical stuff just yet. I told him I was saving it for race day. And that I did. But unfortunately, that meant a rolled ankle in the first 10km. Then again at 13km. Then again at 25km. And then it didn’t stop. Both ankles went. Luckily the right one stayed strong so I could still hobble along. But it got to the point that I could no longer run downhill. I could still hike strongly and was overtaking people on the ups. But they’d get me straight back on the downs. I thought I had done some serious damage, but there was never any thought of quitting. I had no plans for my first DNF. I would walk if I had to.

I came 30th in that race. 30th in the world — my friends were supportive and kept trying to remind me of that. But when you’ve worked so hard for something, and you are fitter than you’ve ever been in your life, it’s so bloody frustrating to be restricted in performing at your potential. I look back now and realise that I have had a great running career. I have not had many bad races or serious injuries. I had to have a bad one at some point, it was just a shame it had to happen at a World Championship event. But: onward and upwards to new challenges. I plan to go back to World’s in 2017 and then on to the next challenge of a longer event — the Ultra-Trail du Mont Blanc. I CANNOT WAIT.

some friends will never understand.

Running ultras can have a significant impact on your social relationships. I am so lucky that I met my partner through running. We have trained together, pushed each other, have crewed for each other, helped each other shower and dress when we can’t move after a race, and most importantly we have a joint understanding of the commitment required to do this sport at a high level. Some of my friends will never understand. Others are just so intrigued by it all. I have lost friends over the years, unable to retain friendships that arose out of convenience, and I have made some fabulous new friends that live and breathe my world.

My family initially thought I was a little crazy, but over time have come to understand what it’s all about. I managed to inspire my dad and brother to do the Oxfam Trailwalker -- and not just once! My whole family came to surprise me in Annecy for the World Champs in 2015 and then mum and dad came to Portugal in 2016 as well. Now they just like having an excuse to travel.

relentless forward motion.

Times get tough when I am trying to fit in training and sleep amongst working full-time, studying, teaching fitness classes, coaching, and maintaining social relationships. It’s really hard. Sometimes I question it, but I like to think that I’m making the most of life. Every single second of it. It’s a pretty amazing life and I’m lucky to have a partner that gets it and helps me through the tough times.

At the start line, I try to get into the zone. I go through the rituals of ensuring laces are tied, a gel is consumed, and wish my competition a great race. There is often some self-doubt and negative thoughts, but once that gun goes, it all fades away and I’m off.

When things start getting tough during the race, my inner voice usually starts going with something like, “Why the fuck am I doing this again?!” But soon after I remember that finish line feeling, that I ‘do this for fun’, and that I can do this. I remember the hard races and challenging times and put it all into perspective. Relentless forward motion and I will get there; run, walk, or crawl.

IT MIGHT JUST CHANGE YOUR SELF-PERCEPTION FOREVER.

My dad is one of my biggest inspirations. I have watched him work so hard throughout his life, and achieve the big goals he has set out to do. I think I inherited his determination and strong will, and I feel very lucky for those characteristics. I often get asked, ‘how do you train your mind?’, but for me, I think this mindset is ingrained and is fed by the next challenge. It is hard to teach or to learn. My dad always told me I was a determined little bugger, but I guess I didn’t really realise how far I could actually push my mind and body.

That’s actually one of my biggest realisations that I have had, that the body and mind can do so much more when you think you’ve got nothing left. I never realised that I had the mental strength to do this, but there have now been many races in which I really thought I was spent, but still managed to finish, still managed to push through the pain of rolled ankles — still managed to win from behind. It’s a great feeling and a value that can set you up for everything you do in life. Never give up. I think everyone should give this sport a go just once, it just might change your self-perception forever.

i am still as addicted as ever.

In my late teens, my cousin asked me to enter Run for the Kids with him. I’d never run that far in my life, but gave it a go, and had such a great time. I remember running beside this old bloke for a while who gave me some lollies for an extra bit of energy. I finished the 14km race with my cousin and decided that if I could run that far, I could probably run a half marathon. Now inspired, I signed up for Run Melbourne in 2009 (I have a terrible memory for dates but I bought the t-shirt at this one!) and joined the event training program with a local running club called ‘Running in the Burbs’. Little did I know it at the time, but this club would have a huge impact on the direction of my life.

Running in the Burbs were really the stepping stone that guided my way. It became so much more than a training club. These people, from all walks of life, young and old, became some of my closest friends. We trained for our first marathons together, had breakfast every Saturday without fail, and celebrated after every race milestone together. It was these guys who persuaded me onto the trails, and who convinced me to run Oxfam Trailwalker with them - my first ultra-distance event.

Once I started running, there was never a thought of quitting. It was a natural progression from the road to trail, from half marathon to marathon to ultramarathon. It challenged me more and more and it took me to places that I only ever dreamed of. It still fulfils all of these things for me, hence why I am still as addicted as ever!

That took the expectation away.

Some of the reasons I moved from road to trail, were because I put such high expectations on myself to keep improving. When I didn't that new marathon PB that I expected, it was really disappointing after all the hard work put in.

I liked the fact the trails were hard to compare. Different terrain, different weather, different conditions; it is hard to compare any ultras to each other, let alone the same one from year to year. That took the expectation away a little.

But then I became an 'elite'. I still don't refer to myself as elite, I reckon I'm just like any other runner out to challenge themselves, but when you win three national titles, the expectations of others become more apparent.

You get picked in the lineup, your times get predicted, and the pressure to win increases ten fold. It can be hard to zone this all out at times. "I should be running what time?!" But what I've come to realise, is that realistically, no-one but yourself and your coach really has any idea of what form you're in, what else is going on in your life, what your goals are, what your plan for the race is. And no-one really cares what position you finished in! So much of this comes down to self-expectation and the pressure we put on ourselves. There are a few freaks in the world but realistically, it is impossible to be in-form ALL of the time. It is impossible to have GOOD races ALL of the time. And it would be boring. We take the good and the bad, we learn from all of our experiences and all of this combined makes us better athletes.

Running is for me and I’m glad we were forced to meet each other.

I wanted to be a journalist when I was little. This didn’t eventuate, as I barely have a creative bone in my body. The sciences were a better match and I became an Occupational Therapist. I now work in neuro rehab, helping people recover from stroke and other types of brain injury. I also work as a fitness instructor and recreational running coach. These are just hobbies for now but it would be nice to turn them into more of a career one day.

If I had to choose another sport, I might try adventure racing or obstacle course racing. But to be honest, I’m a bit of a wuss, so who knows whether that will ever happen. I have quite a few friends who play soccer, but I am terrible. I always played ‘hand’ ball sports when I was younger - netball and basketball. I just have no idea how to get my hands away from the ball in soccer!

Running is for me and I’m glad we were forced to meet each other. I love the personal challenge and the competition. I love getting to travel (sometimes with my family) and getting to see the world. And, most of all, I love the beautiful sights and being taken to places that only a small percentage of the world will ever get to see.