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John Joseph

Be All In

By InnerVoice

February 8^th, 2019

Show up every day

I was incarcerated from 1978 to 1980. It was while I was locked up that I got into boxing. There's a saying in the institutions that you’ve got to get your weight up when you get locked up. I went in 135 pounds soaking wet, and I came out 165 pounds. I grew up on the streets of New York City and was in and out of foster homes with my two brothers. Living on the streets, I would pick up a 2 x 4 and smash you across the face with it - whatever it took to survive. I was a scrapper, but it was different when I was locked up.

You had to know how to handle yourself.

As kids in an abusive foster home we were sent outside for hours at a time, so we would play football and basketball. As a result, we became great athletes. We were in a town where everybody made fun of us for being orphan kids, but when we were playing sports we’d receive a level of respect that we didn’t have anywhere else in our lives. The adults around us made us feel powerless, and they put us into very bad situations. They molested us, beat the shit out of us, and made us eat dog food. My brother and I would climb into Salvation Army bins to get clothes, then we’d wear them until they fell off our backs. My mother would choose her boyfriends over me and my brothers. At one point we mentioned a few of the horrible things that were being done to us in that home and she had a nervous breakdown. She threatened to kill herself by taking pills. I kept quiet after that and decided to write the details of our mistreatment and abuse in a diary. But with sports, not only was I good, it was the first time I ever felt like I had some control.

I'm fighting my demons every day and having a regimen is so crucial to that. You have to show up every day, so for me; it's writing, training, and helping others. Service to others has become a huge part of my life. Recently, I asked someone how I can pay them back for what they’ve taught me, and they said "Don't pay it back, pay it forward." I can’t take away what I’ve done, but I can reach out and help other people that might be going through shit.

you are an Ironman!

There is a running joke between myself and Rich Roll that there have been major obstacles for me to overcome at every single Ironman race I have ever done. The first Ironman I attempted was New York City in 2012. I'm not sure whether it was God, the Universe, or something else putting me to the test, but our drummer mixed up the dates that I was going to race and booked us to headline a festival show in Philadelphia the night before. It never crossed my mind to cancel either of them, and to add to it all I was racing with a stress fracture in my foot. I remember being on stage that night and people knowing that I was doing a triathlon in the morning; they kept asking me if I was going to take it easy. My reply: “Fuck no!” Our concerts are basically an hours-long MMA fight on stage, and that night we played one of the most insane shows in years.

I went right from the stage to my brother’s car, and he drove me home. I jumped in the shower and headed out to the swim start with no sleep. I caught the last ferry to transition, and it happened to be the ferry with all the professionals on it. They were all sitting around in their headspace, and I was walking up to them trying to chat. They must’ve been wondering who the hell let me on the ferry with them. It was pretty funny. At that stage I started to get a little bit nervous, but never once did I think I wasn’t going to finish the race. In my mind’s eye I saw myself crossing that finish line. I met my coach, and we sat together talking while we waited for the ferry to take us to the barge. It was August in New York, and it got hot really quick. The humidity was off the charts. My coach just kept reminding me to race my race and not to worry about anyone else. And that’s what I did.

About 10 minutes into the swim a dead body floated in front of me. Somebody had a heart attack and died, and the police boats had to come and hold up the race. I remember thinking “Oh shit, people die doing this?” By the time I got onto the bike I think it was about 96 degrees. I got choked up on the bike, I was in disbelief that I’d come out of my life and was able to do what I was doing. I recall T2 was very quiet that day - when everyone gets out of the water they’re all boisterous and joking, but when you get to T2 it gets serious. I laced up my shoes and took off. About 6 miles in is when the fatigue started setting in, and my foot began to ache. I said my mantras and kept pushing on. Every single memory of my life went through my head that day: coming from abusive foster homes to the streets to jail, being stabbed, my crack addiction. It was such a gift to be doing what I was doing, and I was not going to be denied.

When I saw that I only had a mile left the tears started flowing. As I was running toward the finish line, my mind went to the foster parents and their kids who abused us for nearly seven years. My inner voice said “Fuck you! You tried to break me, but you didn’t win. You hear me? You didn’t fucking win!” I crossed the finish line and heard:

“John Joseph McGowan, you are an Ironman!”

A burst of adrenaline went through my body. I got my medal and, in tears, hugged my chick and my older brother ‘E’. I’d seen Ironman on television in the early 80s and told myself I would do a race one day, and now I’d done it. I made a plan, executed it and got the desired result.

Focus and Discipline

One of the things I needed to commit to was being more patient and committed to the long haul. Patience to me is not needing everything to come right away, because that's what addiction is. Addiction is ‘I want to smoke crack right now.’ You're either going to have an addiction that’s positive, or you move towards negative shit. That's what Ironman has helped to teach me: Don't project into the future, be here in the moment. When I'm in the swim, I'm not thinking ‘Oh I've got to get on my bike and ride 112 miles,’ you have to stay present. Stop projecting ahead. Meditation helps you with that, and drugs and alcohol take you out of it. It's all instant gratification; I want this now.

2018 was the first year I trained properly with a full-time coach, before that I’d been winging it. Samantha Murphy from Evolve Coaching Systems is my coach, and when she sets up a training program, I don't want to let her down. I think in 2020 I'll pick strategic races where I can do really well. Even though getting a coach makes me more serious, I only compete against myself. I don't get into this whole competitive thing that goes on in Ironman because I feel that would sour some of the relationships I have with people around the scene. I'm not thinking I'm some elite athlete. Once when I was on The Queen K doing a training ride in Kona before for the Ironman World Championship, I pulled up at a light next to this guy. I asked him how he was and where he was from, but he just put his head down and rode off. What the hell is that? So many people have a stick up their ass. You're swimming, riding your bike and going for a run, you're not in the Special Forces going into battle. This isn't my main gig, it's something I do to stay focused and disciplined in my life. If I qualify for Kona, that’s cool, and I'll do my best to do that.

But not at the expense of being a dick to other people.

I Wasn't scared of anything

When I was locked up, upstate, we were the first ones to ever be entered into the Scared Straight Program. We went to Rahway and Fishkill Maximum Security prisons to scare the shit out of us. But the problem was I still had to come out of prison and go back into the same environment I was in beforehand, and I ended up doing what I’d always known. I used to get into fights with gang members who had the biggest heroin and cocaine spots in the country. So when I got out, I had to learn a whole new system. I had to change my environment and who I associated with. If you associate with drug addicts and alcoholics, you take on the characteristics of drug addicts and alcoholics.

Looking at my life, I wasn’t scared of anything. I wasn't scared of four guys running at me with knives trying to kill me. I'd take off my chain and beat them with it. None of that scares me. I was never scared to die because I knew a guardian angel was looking out for me. How else do you explain getting shot at with AR-15's and the bullets missing me? I was in Miami, and some guys did a ‘walk around’ firing into the house I was in. They just lit the place up. It was like the scene from Pulp Fiction where the bullets fly over his head. The bullets smashed all the mirrors and broke onto the waterbed I was on, but I rolled onto the floor, and they missed hitting me.

I would say, subtly, the subtext of my life is that I was taking actions that were saying I wanted to die. I was robbing the most dangerous people in New York City, and they had contracts on my head. So, by my actions I had a death wish. Everything I did, I did it balls to the wall. When I got into music, I had to excel at it, so I took voice lessons. When I got into biking, I had to learn all about it. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m a work in progress. I played the victim for too long and blamed others for my circumstances, but my decisions have made me a better person, and I’m committed to getting out of bed every day and helping people.

You have a choice

Nobody gives a shit about what you say, they're looking at what you do, and how you treat people. I have been working to pay back my karmic debt - paying it forward. I have so many messages on Instagram from people who want guidance from me. I put my email in my book for people to reach out to me. It's about helping people find their way.

I've been honored to hear about and even meet people like David Goggins and Rich Roll. What they're putting out there in terms of sharing their experiences, it's doing amazing things in the world. It makes you realize that you have a choice every single day. And what you choose will define you as a person. Those choices made under pressure reveal your true character. The greater the pressure, the greater the revelation. You could act like the toughest motherfucker in the world, but when the screws turn on you, we'll see what gets revealed about your character.

Photo by April Wong (@alovecreative) via Adam Skolnick

Care about yourself

At Kona in 2017, I found out after that I was on the television broadcast. They got me coming out of the water and then in T1, and while the camera was on me the commentator said: “No doctor can write a prescription for this.” How perfect is that? Because no prescription for antidepressants helped me. I had to do it. Doing these races, showing up constantly, that is what helps me. I still tear up when I'm in that last stretch of a race because these races help me continue to beat my mental demons. It’s what I refer to in my new book as 'The Enemy Mind.' I’m my own worst enemy, but Ironman has done a lot for my health, not just physically.

So that's my message to everybody. You can do whatever you apply yourself to. To the degree that you hold back; those are going to become your limitations. I have a whole chapter in my book called ‘Be All In.’ And what it means is that there’s no point complaining and bellyaching. I ask people: how much time did you spend on the internet? How much time did you spend watching TV? How much time do you spend in the strip club? Where are you allocating your time? If you're saying you want to do something, you have to look at everything you’re doing in your life. By helping others, it's also a daily reminder of what I need to hear. When you talk the philosophy to other people, you're reminding yourself of the philosophy. That’s something I picked up from Napoleon Hill, who wrote all the books on self-help. But I can only tell people what worked for me.

The first thing: care about yourself. Also, care about the environment, have some compassion for all living entities, and don’t eat meat.

The PMA Effect

Check our John's new book, The PMA Effect

"How a positive mental attitude can make you the badass you were born to be."

You can also follow John and his incredible journey here

Twitter - @jjcromag

Instagram - @johnjosephcromag

Footnotes

Words by John Joseph, Cover photo by Ray Lego, other images as attributed, Edited by Cody Royle, Published by Travis McKenzie, Copyright NTSQ Sports Group

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FootNotes

Words by John Joseph, Cover photo by Ray Lego, other images as attributed, Edited by Cody Royle, Published by Travis McKenzie, Copyright NTSQ Sports Group

Colin O'Brady

John Joseph

Be All In

FootNotes

No Human is Limited

I'm Here To Win

The Humble Son

My Incredible Journey

The Most Interesting Man In The World

Season 3