Jen Annett

I Haven't Looked Back

By InnerVoice

October 27^th, 2017

it Was like my life had come to an end

I didn’t start having seizures until after I was hit by a car while training for Hawaii back in 2008. I started having these weird spells, but they went undiagnosed until two years later when I had a Grand Mal seizure. A Grand Mal is what most people associate with seizures; a loss of consciousness and violent muscle spasms. I was in the hospital for a couple days while they ran tests and put me on meds. It wasn’t until 6 months later when I went in for a follow up that I actually heard the word “epilepsy.”

They had concluded that the little spells I had been having were actually small seizures until I finally had a Grand Mal. When I received the diagnosis, it was like my life had come to an end. I was told that I couldn’t drive for 6 months after a seizure, I shouldn’t be riding a bike, I couldn’t swim or even have a bath by myself, and that I shouldn’t get pregnant. I was told to give up triathlon because there were too many risks. The medication seemed to be working, and later that year, I did end up getting pregnant. Everything was going perfectly, the tests all came back indicating the baby was healthy - until 25 weeks. I had another Grand Mal, and my meds were upped. When I have a Grand Mal, I don’t breathe at all, which also causes a lack of oxygen to the baby. We were very lucky, we had a perfectly healthy, full-term baby boy.

I decided to not go back

I went through a bit of a rough patch from 15-18 years old. I had been sexually abused and subsequently suffered from depression, horrible self-esteem, and eating disorders. My grades plummeted and I lost my motivation. I was very confused, and took most of this out on my family, pushing them away. They didn’t know what had happened to me, and I couldn’t tell them. I was embarrassed and felt like it was somehow my fault. I was scared that something worse would happen if they found out, mostly because it was someone in my extended family who lived beside us. I started drinking and partying because it made me feel better and was a way for me to cope. I was still able to hold a job, and I did graduate, but not with the grades that I would have wanted four years earlier.

Fortunately, just before I graduated I met the man who would become my husband, and he helped me face my real problems. Over time, he helped me get better mentally and physically. I was able to tell my parents what had happened, a day I’ll never forget. They were supportive and thankful because now everything made sense to them.

After I had my son in 2012, I went back to working full-time and also returned to racing. This time, though, I entered the pro category for Challenge Penticton 2013. I came third in my first race at the professional level, and I decided I was going to stay racing at a professional level. The next year, I took a leave from work. I was struggling with issues around memory problems, which were related to the seizures. Once I was away from work, it gave me a chance to re-assess my life. I decided to not go back, and give racing as a pro full-time a shot. I haven’t looked back!

“My very first wetsuit that I raced in was a waterskiing wetsuit! I didn’t know anything about padded shorts, clipless pedals, transition, CO2’s…. I was pretty clueless….a real triathlon virgin!”

my journey had begun

In 2006, I watched Ironman Canada for the first time. I had never heard of Ironman before and was so inspired. I went out and bought a bike (an older road bike with clip-on aero bars, I didn’t know that TT bikes existed). For my first ride, I rode 80km, with no nutrition, cages on my pedals, and running shorts. I look back on this and can’t help but laugh. I did get the proper equipment shortly after.

We were getting married the following year, so doing Ironman wasn’t realistic. I signed up for IMC 2008, having never done a triathlon before. I joined the Penticton Triathlon Club and was taken under the wing of a good friend. I decided that I should probably do a triathlon before IMC, so I signed up for Cultus Lake Olympic that May. It was freezing cold, the lake temperature was 8 or 9 degrees, and somehow I managed to win my age group. I was hooked. I won an entry to the Oliver Sprint, placing second there. Then I signed up for a Half Iron in July and came second there as well. IMC rolled around 6 or 7 weeks later, and I won my age group, qualifying for Kona.

Unfortunately, my string of luck came to an end when I was hit by a car on my last long ride before Hawaii. My helmet was shattered and I had some bruising, whiplash and road rash, but my stubbornness got the best of me. I competed anyway and I finished, but it was far from the result that I wanted. Nonetheless, I was addicted, and my journey had begun.

i tapped into something i didn't know was there

When things get tough, I just remind myself of why I do this sport, how much I really do love it, and think about all of my friends and family that have helped me get to where I am now. Life is all about challenges, and overcoming those challenges is what makes a person stronger. Challenge 2016 was a perfect example. I had been leading the run until around the last 7km. This is where Liz Lyles passed me. I had it stuck in my head that she was going to be the winner, and knew she would outrun me. In the final 1.5km, she was only about 15-20 sec ahead of me. There were so many friends and locals yelling at me, I dug deep and tapped into something I didn’t know was there. I knew I had to try. I managed to catch her with 500m to go. I was dying, but put my head down and kept going. I took the win. I couldn’t believe I had done it!

The other thing is, I also don’t like disappointing anyone, so that plays a huge role in pushing through those tough times. I know that no one would actually be disappointed, but this is the way my mind works, and it’s pressure that I put on myself.

family comes first

I have and will always be adamant that family comes first. I have always told myself that if racing ever started to negatively impact my family that I would quit. I have an incredible family that is so supportive in every way, and I am not willing to compromise it. I will admit that it is very hard to balance it all, but my husband somehow puts up with my craziness, and we make it work, even if it means sitting on my trainer for 3 hours in a campground. Camping is one thing that we love to do as a family, so I try to make my training revolve around these trips. I don’t expect my family to make all the sacrifices, so I do my best to make sure I am making sacrifices too.

Jay has been with me since before I started racing at all and has been my rock through everything. My son, Nixon, loves coming out to cheer and loves to come with me in the chariot for recovery rides and runs. My parents and in-laws have helped immensely by helping look after Nixon when I have to go away and race. We have a crazy life, but we have a pretty good system to make it all work!

I have a very supportive network outside my family as well, and while I do have a social life, my friends understand that I won’t be out till 2 am. In fact, I usually find it hard to stay awake past 9 pm!

“My family inspire me. They have been there through thick and thin. Not only with this sport, but life in general. Their enduring love and support is unbelievable. They have really taught me the true meaning of love. Love for each other, love for life, and love for myself.”

It's all about positive thinking

Oh, those dark moments. I definitely have moments of “why do I do this?” and “it would be easier just to quit” but, as weird as it sounds, I don’t think I have actually ever really considered quitting. When I first started working with Jonny, he told me (and I will never forget this) that in order to get better I have to be comfortable being uncomfortable. This thought goes through my head all the time. So when it comes to quitting, and I have definitely had a couple of races that I should have just quit, I just don’t have it in me. I have no DNF’s to my name and I’d like to keep it that way for as long as I can. This sport requires a lot of mental strength, and while people quite often refer to me as having great mental strength, I also consider myself very fragile. Quitting, or giving up, would hit me hard, and probably take me to a dark place that I don’t want to go to.

It all comes down to positive thinking, and being mentally strong. Don’t get me wrong, I definitely have some bad times, and it is very easy for me to mentally go to a place I don’t want to be. Sometimes I have to try really hard and dig deep to stay positive.

I am a huge perfectionist and am very critical of myself. I used to beat myself up pretty good around bad days, but I am getting better with being okay with those bad days. I hate having crappy workouts, and of course, the races that don’t go as planned. Unfortunately, that is the nature of this sport. I have been racing long enough now to see that there are many other world-class athletes that have days that just aren’t “their day”. I have way more good days than bad days, and really, my “bad” days are usually not as bad as I make them out to be. My coach really helps with this and gives very realistic, positive feedback when I’m having a pity party. It’s all about positive thinking.