I played soccer until I was about 8 or 9, and then got introduced to road cycling when my dad got into it. He had a tandem bike that he'd ride with my mom, and they’d put me on the back. He did a lot of GranFondos and Century rides and I would just be on the back of the tandem, cruising along with my mom while he was out riding. It was definitely a family affair and a way for us to be outside, be active, and hang out with family and friends.
I remember one of my first road bikes was actually a little mountain bike with slick tires and drop bars on it. Then, eventually, I got a real road bike. Racing got introduced to me by my dad’s friend who dared me to do the Redlands Classic kids race, which was one lap of the criterium course. He said he’d give me $20 if I won (which I thought was pretty cool). I took it super seriously; I had a trainer to warm up for a one lap race, and from the whistle I didn’t look back and won. I was exhilarated and loved the adrenaline rush. After another year of just riding with my parents and their friends, the same race came around again, and the same bet was on the table from my dad’s friend. Same result: one lap, I won.
I decided I couldn’t wait every year for the same race, so my dad looked into junior racing. I got a junior license and a week or two later I showed up to my first sanctioned race. There was only two other girls there and they happened to be Alexis and Kendall Ryan, who I still race with today. On that day, they raced us with the boys, and I beat all but one of them. I won against the girls, but I was still sad that I got beat by that one boy, and I remember crying and getting fired up. It’s just my nature to be competitive and want to do my best.
With racing, I've been thrown into the fire since I was 18 and have just had to figure it out. I think I’ve done pretty well. Being on a European team really accelerates your learning process. Last year (my first year racing full-time in Europe) was a huge success, and not having so much expectation helped that. I just wanted to see what my potential was, soak everything up like a sponge, and make the most out of every opportunity. Even though I expected a lot of myself, I was a bit of an underdog last year and not everyone expected me to do well. This year I’ve had to have a different mindset, but a little bit of that expectation is created by the press. After some wins last year, now they come to me with questions like: Are you going to defend your title? That sort of thing. What I’ve come to realize is that no two years are the same, so I just have to show up to every race and do the best I can. There are also a lot of factors that I can't control, but I'll do everything I can to be in top shape. Sometimes, other teammates are stronger or my competitors are stronger or I'm sick - you just have to learn to adjust. It's not fair for the team to ride for me when I'm not doing well and someone else is. You just have to go with the flow and be honest and realistic.
When things get tough out there you just have to keep going. That said, there’s a balance between your thoughts of “I want it more, push!” versus “This actually isn’t the smartest thing.” For instance, last year I had a really good lead in to the spring; I had a really good winter and was motivated and focused. At Strade Bianche it was super cold and rainy and I figured everyone would be suffering anyway, so I ditched the rain jacket and just went with the vest. I ended up paying the price for ‘wanting it more’.
Without the rain jacket my body didn't respond very well; I couldn't push any harder and my heart rate was through the roof. I got really cold and couldn’t finish. I think that was a moment where I should have listened to my body more, rather than trying to overcome the situation. For sure you have to take risks to get greater reward, but it has to be calculated and smart as well. I got sick after Flanders, which was the price I paid for trying to be a little too badass. It didn't really work out, so going into this summer I was a lot smarter about those decisions. For example, the last stage of The Women's Tour was raining and cold and I thought about ditching my vest, but I decided to keep the clothing for a bit longer until the rain stopped. Even though it was the last stage I still had to think about travelling the next day. It worked out for me because I didn’t get sick after the rainy stage, and I was able to adjust to the humidity at US Nationals in Knoxville. At Nationals, I listened to my body and made sure to stay hydrated both before and during the race. It paid off in attrition as the heat and humidity affected a lot of the peloton by the last lap. I was able to have a strong sprint for the finish to take my 72nd US National Title, and finally win the US Pro national champion jersey. I will be extremely proud to wear it for the next year.
“When I was maybe 13 or 14, I remember watching re-runs of the Tour de France really late at night and thinking “Oh man, how cool would it be if I would be racing in Europe?” I think that’s where the dream was born, watching the Tour late at night.”
I’ve always been really competitive. I played soccer when I was younger and would love to be aggressive and score goals. At school, I’d play against the boys in whatever game we were playing that day in Phys Ed. It’s fair to say it’s natural for me to be extremely competitive.
After the Tour of California our team went to this cool restaurant that had a bunch of different games, like darts, foosball, Jenga, and Connect Four. It became a really heated game of foosball on this extended table with four people on each side. By the end of the night I’d lost my voice. I think if that's any indication, I do really hate to lose. I just love to put all my energy into doing well at whatever I’m doing. It was the same in school, I gave 110%. This off-season, at our team camp, I had to do a presentation for my team, and I made sure that PowerPoint was the sickest PowerPoint anyone's ever seen. I don't like not doing well, so I make sure to go the extra mile, even in the smallest tasks.
There are some things that don't need that same amount of competitiveness, for sure, but I don’t think I can really switch it off. It seems to show up in everything I do; I like to cook good food, I always like things clean and orderly, I put things back where they belong, and my suitcase has packing cubes and everything is organized and makes sense. I don’t think it takes energy from me. I think it really is who I am and it makes me feel prepared and comfortable and organized, and like I'm doing the best I can.
I quit cycling briefly in 2012. I think it was part of growing up and being an adult and making decisions for myself, starting with cycling. Growing up in the sport, you always listen to other people - your coaches and parents - and you get programmed into just listening. As you get older, you realize you can make decisions for yourself: "I want to do this" or "I don’t want to do that." I crashed really badly at the Tour of Qatar in 2011 and suffered a pretty severe concussion. I don’t remember what happened for four hours after the crash, and I woke up in the CT machine with both of my contact lenses missing. That’s when I started to ponder whether there was more to life than just cycling.
I felt that I needed to go to school and get a degree because this could all be over really fast. It was one of the bigger decisions I’d made for myself. Come the springtime of 2012, I was getting ready for what was supposed to be a 4-hour training ride with my college team. I got kitted up, put chamois cream on, and I was ready to go. And then I thought: "What am I doing this for?" And I didn’t really have an answer. I didn’t leave my dorm room that day, and for the rest of the summer I didn’t really ride much, I just stayed away from the bike. All up, I took a break of about 8 months, and spent time at home in California just hanging out with family and surfing with friends.
Because I was on a cycling scholarship, eventually I needed to get back into it, so I started back with some cyclocross to keep it easy and fun. That year I came 5th in the elite cyclocross race at Nationals, and racing was fun again. I think I really did miss racing my bike, and the competitiveness. It was probably also the year that I realized I’m pretty good at this and I can make something of it. In the summer of 2013 I found a small European team out of the UK that had a team house in Belgium, and I did some smaller races and got a few top fives. That summer I started laying out the pathway to really follow my dreams.
It’s difficult being away from my family and my boyfriend, but I don’t like using the word sacrifice. I don't really like saying that I sacrifice my family. I think I made a choice to follow my dreams and race in Europe, and with that choice there are consequences. I see my family less, but in return it makes me appreciate that time that I do have with them.
I cherish the small amount of time we do get together, and we’re deliberate about making sure we talk on FaceTime. Sometimes, when I’m doing longer blocks, my family will come out to Europe. Last year my dad and my boyfriend came to watch Gent-Wevelgem, and Flanders. They lucked out: I made the podium at both races. Then my parents and my boyfriend came over for Worlds in Norway. So, yeah, we make it work, and we really do appreciate the time that we get together.
I’ve learned so much and I think I can approach a normal life with the same mindset as I’ve raced. It's also nice to have a degree, so I'm a little more prepared for life after cycling and not really so afraid of it. For kids that are coming through the pipeline, I think it's a really important to be able to think for yourself and make choices for yourself. I think it's important to know why you're doing something, and make sure you really do enjoy it and have fun with it. You are able to make smart decisions for yourself and what you want to do. There's a growing up period where you go from listening to your parents and your coaches, to being an adult and making all those decisions yourself. And I think that's a really important time in your life to learn about yourself and what you want to do.
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